I’m processing some emotions now so might not post as often as usual … I am aiming for a new post each day, but when I’m processing, or very busy in daily life, that might not happen. I am both very busy and processing now, but for whatever reason, I still feel a strong desire to tell the story of how a spirit who was overcloaking me for a long time moved on.
Lindsay is a spirit that was with me – overcloaking me, I guess – probably most of my life. I feel that she was protecting me from feelings and memories, starting when I was very young. I believe we had a strong rapport and were so similar in our personalities and injuries that I couldn’t tell the difference between her and myself.
I’ve always (as long as I can remember) had feelings of confusion about who I am, what I want, how I feel. Because my parents were very shut down emotionally, and I was very sensitive as a child and had a strong desire to please, I didn’t develop a great sense of self. So these feelings of not knowing myself were/are based in my injuries but also came from tons of spirit influence. I often also had a “marionette” feeling … hard to describe, but like I wasn’t controlling my own body. That makes a lot of sense now.
Over the past few years I’ve become more willing and desirous to feel my feelings. I feel that at the same time Lindsay was growing, too … like I said, she and I were probably so alike that she felt similar desires to know the truth and feel her feelings.
Last spring I had some conversations with my husband about earthbound spirits, mainly wondering, how can a person possibly not know they’re dead? We talked about why a spirit might not understand that, we tried to imagine how it would feel to be without a material body but not knowing why, and talked about the resistance and denial that a person might feel about the truth that they have passed. I feel now that these conversations came from Lindsay’s desire to know the truth and helped her understand that she had passed.
A few weeks later, I visited some family out of town and had a lot of time to myself to feel and process. When I was alone one day, I began to have terrible feelings of fear and confusion. They were like the feelings I’d had before of not knowing who I am, but they were much stronger, extremely distressing, and there was also something I hadn’t felt before – a suspicion and terror that I was not who I had always thought I was … that actually I might not be Patricia! That I might actually be a spirit who was overcloaking this body, and therefore I might be dead! It was extremely spooky and terrifying. But I felt strongly that this might be true, and I prayed and prayed about it.
A few days later I met David Kelso and mentioned all this to him. He said, “Oh yes … there is a spirit with you, and her name is Lindsay. Do you want to talk to her? You could channel her.”
I had never spoken to a spirit that way and was afraid to. But we sat down and I connected to her and suddenly was sobbing. We talked to her a little bit and David explained that I didn’t want to be protected anymore and wanted to feel my own feelings now. Lindsay said “I do too.” David connected her with some bright spirits and she went with them.
It so happened that some male spirits who were also hanging around me saw this happen, and they came immediately afterward and wanted help, too, so David spoke to them and helped them connect with bright spirits also.
After that it was much easier for me to feel my feelings, and I’ve made much more progress. I don’t have those weird feelings of not knowing who I am – I’m much more certain of my desires and longings, for one thing – and that marionette feeling is gone. I feel that Lindsay has made good progress too, although some of her processing has been very hard for her.
I hope this story might be helpful to other people (mortal and spirits) who desire to grow and be in truth.