Divine Truth Retreat seminar notes – Monday’s session

Why don’t I want to know or feel my addictions?
– Makes me feel there is something wrong with me
– Angry about being told
– Avoiding gives me a feeling of control
– Desire to remain a victim
– I am right, God is wrong
– Feeling emotions is pointless

Our parents are constantly projecting fear and anger at us (as children), and we feel there is no end to it. So we felt, I need my addictions, to cope. Also in childhood, we can’t leave or avoid it, and when we try anger as a coping mechanism, we get abused. Any expression of protest causes rejection or violence. We learn that any expression of our emotions needs to be squashed.

We learn addictions as ways to reduce some of these feelings. These addictions are often in place by age 3. The only form of protest available is to feel the addictions of the parent and to feed these addictions.

We learned them before we were able to think. This is why our addictions feel so confusing to us. We weren’t learning to intellectualize, we were learning these addictive behaviors almost automatically.

Then in preschool we got additional controls that compounded the problem.

For the child, it WAS a matter of survival.

We continue to believe we’re a victim. As a child, we WERE.

We don’t want to be told to connect to our emotions because as a child every time we did that, we were crushed or abused.

The feelings that we had as a child are now held as BELIEFS. (such as, that feeling emotions will bring on attack, that they are endless, that we have no other way to cope than addictions, etc.)
We feel that everything AJ is saying to us about feelings is wrong!

We might feel the Divine Truth is great, we have a soul-based attraction, but we also feel hopeless. It would be good to FEEL this feeling of hopelessness.

Practically everyone has these basic feelings about emotions ingrained in them. That’s why seminars that tell us how to get our addictions met have audiences of thousands! The average person who does feel their feelings is put on medications, and wants to be!

We need to deconstruct these beliefs. This has to happen before we will be able to move our addictions.

We go into neediness wanting to have the work done for us.

We feel that our addictions are the only way we will have any good in our life. It’s not uncommon for people who work on their addictions to become suicidal, because they really feel there will no longer be any good in their life.

There was a comment about living from sleep state to sleep state, because we get our addictions met there, because there is nothing nice left in the awake state.

Suicide is an angry response to feeling hopeless. In fact it will make things worse. So when we know this, we feel trapped. Trapped between the Truth and these childhood beliefs, with no way out.

Addiction was the only thing that worked, to get some semblance of peace. Now AJ is taking that away.

God’s Way is the exact way we DON’T believe in! When we hear about it, there are two possible responses:
1. No, it’s not God’s Way, it’s AJ’s way – anger at AJ
2. Anger with God for creating this Way!

This is why we have so much anger with God and toward religion. People in religions want the work to be done magically – Jesus’s blood just takes it away, we don’t have to do the work. That’s the source of the belief in Jesus taking away our sins.

WE ALL HAVE THIS FEELING AND NEED TO FEEL IT THROUGH AND THEN WILL TRACE IT TO CHILDHOOD EVENTS. THIS IS WHERE EMOTIONAL PROCESSING BEGINS.

I DON’T WANT TO FEEL MY ADDICTIONS! AND WHY!

We don’t want to feel them because we feel that without them, we will have no way to have a happy life.

The belief that feeling emotions is dangerous clearly comes from our childhood – we received abusive violent punishment when we did.

We’ve also been taught we can’t cope with the emotions. So we try to get away from them, and this resistance lets in spirit influence which could then start to look psychotic, and reinforces the belief we can’t cope.

Also, some children were taken out of body during abuse, so they come to feel this is a way of coping. They invite more spirits in.

A fear of being alone when I feel, and a feeling of wanting to share my emotions, both invite others into your emotional experience and can lead to being institutionalized.

Now, what do we do to address this?

FAITH.

Currently:
We have faith in our addictions.
We have faith in the beliefs from our childhood, that we currently have: about emotions, about fear, about God.
We have faith in self-reliance.
We have faith in society’s definitions.
We have faith in our personal experience: I will get abused more if I feel, that being emotional is weak, etc.
We have faith in our mind, the power of the mind.

With faith in all that, our will will be exercised to support these. Humility will also be used toward absorbing more of these emotions (we are humble to the error rather than the truth). Wherever our faith is, it directs our will and our humility.

Where our faith is, is where we’re going to use our will and where we’re going to exercise our humility.

So, even if Divine Truth sounds good to us, our faith is telling us the opposite things. Someone who says the truth is different (to where our faith is) will seem to be an idiot.

We believe in THIS world (of error), and we feel disconnected from God because we feel he must have created it.

To change, we have to start deconstructing where we’re placing our faith. This is our primary problem.

We feel this effort is pointless and going to take forever and put us in conflict with the world – so we have very little motivation.

Then how do we do it?

We have these emotions about feeling our feelings:

  • That it’s hopeless/futile
  • That it’s dangerous
  • That it’s impossible
  • That it’s not necessary
  • That it’s cruel and wrong

We need to feel these feelings right to the end! Then we will not feel them any longer.

We get rid of our false beliefs by FEELING them. This is the opposite to what we want to do!

We feel our options are:

1. Feel pain
2. Feel “good”
3. Be numb

Our priorities usually are:

Feel pain: 0 … Feel “good”: 50% … Be numb: 50%

After we learn some Divine Truth, we tend to go:

Feel pain: 0 … Feel “good”: 0 … Be numb: 100%

We are going to have to feel uncomfortable and feel pain to confront addictions!

When we want to feel good, we attract spirits and people to help us do that.

When we allow ourselves to be numb, we attract spirits and people who take over our life.

We believe pain is the most dangerous option, but is is really the least dangerous.

We continue to think and feel as children, because we haven’t released our beliefs from childhood. We’re children in adult bodies. [I still believe I have no self-determination, maybe because I numbed out and gave up self-determination and let others control my life ever since then.]

It’s hard to get a start on the Way to God because our most painful emotional experiences are going to be the first ones we feel.

The reasons I want addictions are related to our childhood beliefs. We feel these are the most painful sets of beliefs, and they often are. They are quite emotional because they were formed pre-intellectually.

There is a lot of general rage about the deconstruction of a myth.

The only way a childhood belief is released is by feeling it. But we totally believe they are true, so why would we feel them?

We have to feel our actual childhood beliefs, not what we want our beliefs to be.

The only way to progress forward now is to feel these childhood beliefs – not to hear more Divine Truth. These feelings are trapped emotions in our soul, and they determine our belief systems.

The mind is only capable of changing when there is no emotional impediment to the change.

The majority of people who hear the Divine Truth are not releasing their false beliefs. We have to FEEL the painful feelings.

No change can happen from listening to Divine Truth if we don’t feel and release the false beliefs. We can’t avoid feeling the most painful feelings, if we want to progress. We can’t choose to just feel the easier ones.

Watch the video How the Human Soul Functions over and over and over.

You need to feel the truth of your experience in this life if you are ever going to progress.

WHAT DO I ACTUALLY FEEL FROM MY CHILDHOOD?

These are the feelings that are opposing the truth entering your soul.

As you feel these feelings you will begin to see the connections to your addictions.

1) What do I believe from my childhood?
2) What do I do to avoid feeling these childhood beliefs? (my addictions)

It is important to ask both questions. There will be a thousand childhood beliefs and often many addictions covering each belief. The beliefs we are able to state and name without crying are the ones we have the most addictions covering.

The goal is to discover what is covering our childhood beliefs and start FEELING the childhood beliefs.

While you’re living in addictions, no feelings will come out. When you deconstruct the addictions enough, the feelings will pop out.

Why? Because your addictions are the exercise of your will to deny your childhood emotional experiences. If you’re exercising your will to deny, you’re exercising your will in direct opposition to what God’s Love would do. When you’re in addiction, your prayer is: No, I don’t want to confront my childhood emotional experiences.

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Movie suggestions: Flight and Gravity

Flight
Denzel Washington plays Whip Whitaker, an airline pilot who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, and sex. He has already lost his marriage and son because of his addictions. When the passenger jet that he is flying malfunctions and enters a dive that will kill everyone on board, Washington doesn’t panic. He makes an incredible midair maneuver, and in the resulting less severe crash landing, six die. Washington is credited with saving the lives of 131 people, and he is treated as a hero. But if the rest of the truth comes out – that he was drunk and high during that flight – he’ll lose his reputation and his career and will go to prison. Triggers relate to airplane crash, loss of loved ones, addiction to alcohol, addiction to drugs, addiction to sex, addiction to career, abandonment, being in truth, and paternal expectations. (2012, R)

Gravity
Sandra Bullock plays Ryan Stone, a scientist on a mission in space. Ryan and Matt Kowalsky (George Clooney) are on a routine spacewalk when their shuttle is destroyed and they are stranded in space. Soon they are separated and Kowalsky dies. The rest of the movie follows Ryan as she works to get back to Earth safely on her own. Amid the action we learn that her young daughter had died four years earlier in a playground accident, and with this revelation the movie becomes a metaphor for Ryan’s withdrawal from life. She experiences loads of terror, which seems to help her move forward emotionally. This movie offers intense triggers for fear of abandonment and being alone, fear of things going wrong, fear of falling, and emotions around losing a child. (2013, PG13)