AJ will be holding seminars every other day at the Texas retreat. Following are my notes from the first part of Saturday’s session, which was about two hours long. After the break, AJ spoke for another hour and a half on addictions. I’ll post notes from that session sometime soon.
I found this to be a very powerful and triggering session. Some of the most triggering material for me was about the sleep state – not new material, but presented in a way that caused me to drop my denial about certain things that have been happening in my sleep state. So my notes on this section are very skimpy because I was not focused on taking notes.
I suggest that if you find these notes interesting and helpful at all, that you watch or listen to the sessions when they are available. Obviously my interests and injuries will have affected to some degree the accuracy of my notes, and it would be much better for you to hear Jesus’s actual words.
NOTES FROM SATURDAY’S SESSION
First, AJ read a quote from The Life Elysian (second paragraph of Chapter 3). It begins, “The surgeon who drives his scalpel deep.” AJ’s point was that he is going to be quite candid and truthful with us during this retreat, and we may perceive his truths to be painful. He said he isn’t trying to make our lives difficult, but to help us grow toward God.
He then asked us why we are here. Several people answered, and a lot of the responses were about a longing for truth. AJ said his and Mary’s spirit friends said that these are our actual reasons for being here:
1. Some are basically needy and need to have reassurance.
2. Some want someone to do all the work for them, they want hand-holding through decisions and feelings, and still have many New Age practices.
3. Some want personal time with Jesus and Mary. They feel their situations are special and that previously given general information doesn’t apply to them.
4. Some are people who desire others and themselves to shut down emotionally.
5. Some want to be told they are doing well, or they believe they are doing well and want positive feedback.
6. Some are under heavy spirit influence and have come to undermine the proceedings.
7. Some have come so they’ll be able to say “I was there when…” and brag or feel superior to others who weren’t here.
8. Some have a sincere desire to grow and want to use their time well.
AJ suggests that we work on deconstructing a lot of our stuff.
These are the same emotions that groups who come to seminars all over the world have.
AJ suggested we feel about our choices while we’re here, to value the opportunity here. He expressed thanks to Robin, Caroline, and Michael for their work in making this event happen.
QUESTION ABOUT SHAME
AJ said, this question is specifically about sexual shame in childhood, but shame comes from all sorts of sources in childhood.
In a situation of abuse, the adult tells itself it has nothing to be ashamed of. It blames the child for the shame. “You made me do this.” This creates openings in the child, so the child believes it has something to be ashamed of.
The shame is really the adult’s, although the child feels it. The adult refuses to own it and projects the shame onto the child. Although it is not our own shame, we still need to feel it. (We also need to feel the shame of anything we’ve done out of harmony with love. There is a Law of Compensation emotion.)
The refusal of the adult to acknowledge that it is doing a shameful thing is what causes the child to feel shame.
The feeling “I’m not lovable” is the measure of the adults’ poor treatment of you. This emotion is not true, and it is not even your own emotion. But you still need to feel it in order to release it.
When we tell ourselves the same thing (“I am not lovable”) – which is a lie – we prevent ourselves from feeling the real feeling (“I was told I am not lovable”). When we tell ourselves the lie, we just reinforce the belief. We do need to feel the feeling “I am not lovable” in order to release it. But do not reinforce it!
Shame is the feeling where you feel so bad about yourself that you believe everything that was done to you was your fault in some way. If you believe that, it is highly unlikely that you will feel it, because there would be no point – you believe it’s true.
QUESTION ABOUT SEXUAL PREDATORS
They are very sensitive to children’s emotions. The child would already have a feeling that anything that happens to it is their fault. This feeling is an attraction for the predator. The spirits with the predator tell him who is open. The predator knows the child won’t tell because the child will feel the event was its own fault.
BACK TO SHAME
For an adult, there are two causes of shame:
1. Someone else perpetrated shame on you as a child, and it’s still in you
2. Things you have done that you have shame about
We are temped to run away from our self-inflected shame once we hear what he just said!
The projection of blame in childhood can lead to terror.
QUESTION ABOUT SLEEP STATE
It’s rare for a person to be in a better condition in their sleep state than in their awake state.
(There was much more material about the sleep state than I wrote down – I believe much of the same information is covered in the Sleep State seminar.)
HOW OUR CONDITION DEGRADES
It starts with the parents’ collective condition, including their morality, ethics, sexuality, religious and political beliefs – all these affect their feelings and beliefs about sexuality.
Because of this kind of pre-conditioning, the average female believes the receipt of sexual projections is a measure of her femininity. If the projections include approval, she is open to them.
Women are expected to take responsibility for males’ sexual behavior, as in many religious belief systems.
The parents’ emotions enter the child in utero, and then the parents’ feelings and beliefs are enacted with the child after it is born. The parents treat the child according to their feelings and beliefs.
Some of these beliefs are seemingly positive but actually are negative. For instance, “I shouldn’t say something that makes another person angry, even if it’s true.”
So how do we address this situation, with regard to the degradation of our soul in childhood?
1) Know the truth. Build a desire to know the truth.
2) Face the truth.
3) Feel the truth.
Abuse victims often cut themselves off from their family, change their name, get depressed, don’t have children (or get post-natal depression if they do have children), become hypervigilant, and become manically busy – but they don’t ever deal with the feelings from childhood – shame, terror, fear, anger.
So those emotions are still in their soul, and they attract spirits who are like their parents. In the awake state we can keep people at bay and deny the presence of spirits, but in the sleep state there is no barrier to them.
Feeling that I am to blame shuts down my grief.
QUESTION ABOUT A PHYSICAL PROBLEM
(A woman’s whole left side is affected.)
A lot of our physical injuries arise from expectations and demands.
If you’re numb, you don’t want to feel.
There will be anger over having to feel what you don’t want to feel.
We often feel the ERROR (eg I’m not worthy). We need to RELEASE the error and FEEL the TRUTH.
SYMPTOMS OF FEELING THE ERROR
– Self-attack/internalized rage
– Self-abuse/self-attacking actions: overeating, alcohol, drugs
– Hopelessness and despair – “there’s no point in dealing with it”
– Judgment of others and self
This is cyclical and can be endless.
We do it because we are afraid to feel the truth.
Our parents taught us to do all these things rather than place the responsibility for our feelings where it belonged (on them). They taught us to do all these things to get their approval. So we would accept their treatment of us. There is a sense of “I deserved it.”
Feel the truth. Feel the pain of the erroneous beliefs, the pain of what happened in relation to God’s Truth. Feel the pain of the harm, whatever the source.
The only reason we fear our parents is to prevent our own feelings.
The only reason we fear anything is that we want to prevent our own feelings about it.
When you realize this – when you know you can cope with your own emotional response to anything – you will not fear any person.